Wednesday, July 6, 2011


Marilyn and her carpool mates pulled into the driveway.  They met at Marilyn’s house.  Because of her trouble with motion sickness, Marilyn preferred to drive – besides, the mileage check from their employer was generous, and she had the newest car of the bunch.  Just about dinner time, they arrived back at Marilyn’s, and found that Kara’s car wouldn’t start. 

“Oh crap, I left the lights on!”

“Well, I’m pretty sure I have jumper cables.  Let me look.”  Marilyn said.  “Does anyone know how to use them?”

Jane blinked.  “Are you serious?”

“I have never used them – I don’t know how.”

“Well I do.  It’s not rocket science.”

Marilyn went in search of the jumper cables while the rest of the crew gathered around the comatose car.

Diane said, “How did you learn to use jumper cables?”

“You guys are kidding me, right?  It’s not something you have to take a class for.  You connect the red cable to the positive terminals on the batteries, the black one to the negatives.”

“Well, I guess you’ve always been so independent, you know how to do lots of ‘guy’ things.”

“Guy things?  Really?  When did knowing how to get your car started in the event of a dead battery become a guy thing?”

“You’re so touchy!”

“I found them!”  Marilyn yelled.  “Let me pull my car up next to yours.”

Marilyn lifted the hood of the car, and all four stared at the engine, utterly bewildered.

“Where the hell is the battery in this thing?” Jane asked. 

Marilyn pointed to a single red knob with a plus sign on top.  “I think that’s it.”

“That can’t be it!  Where is the negative terminal?”

“I dunno.  I think that’s it.”


Just then, the next door neighbor appeared on his porch.

“We need help!” Marilyn yelled in his general direction.

“What the hell are you doing?!?” Jane hissed under her breath.  “Isn’t that the guy you call the ‘banty rooster’?”

“Yeah, well he think’s he’s pretty hot stuff, but we need a man to take care of this.”

“Oh. My. God.  I think my ears are bleeding.  You know, having a penis doesn’t magically endow a person with mystical knowledge of all things mechanical!”

“Jane, you’re so coarse!”

The little banty strolled over, “How can I help?”

“Find the battery.” Jane spat out.  “And that’s not it, that box has fuses in it.”

“Jane, would it be easier to jump Kara’s car with yours?  Do you know where to find the battery in yours?” Marilyn asked.

“Of course I do.”  Jane brought her car over, and the struggle began.  “I’ll open the hood – the latch on this is different.”

The little banty didn’t move.  He kept fumbling around, trying to find the release mechanism.

“I’ll get it.  No really, let me.  Dude, how many times have you opened this hood before?  Why do you think you know more about it than I do?”

The little banty finally stepped aside and Jane opened the hood, but while her back was turned, the jumper cables were snatched up and one end attached to Kara’s battery.  Jane opened her mouth, but thought better of it, and got in her car to start it.

After a few minutes, Kara’s car was running, and the little banty solicitously unhooked cables and closed hoods.  “Anything else I can do for you ladies?”

Marilyn fawned over the little banty and thanked him profusely while Jane went in the house to wash her hands, shaking with annoyance - not at the little banty, but at Marilyn.

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  1. Oh heck! I'm with Marilyn. I think I would rather let a man carry something heavy too. Sure I can do it, but they like to do it. I worked with a guy who carried a big screen tv down my stairs (big long staircase), because he wanted to show off for me and another woman. We had asked him to wait for my husband to help, but he needed no help. God bless 'em!

    Very tight writing, LeeAnn!

  2. Could you tell I was on Jane's side? I get royally pissed when anyone suggests I can't do something (or do it as well) because I'm a woman. I much prefer taking care of myself and knowing I have the strength to do whatever I want to undertake.

  3. Yeah, I thought you were on Jayne's side! (I'm not really always looking for someone to do something because I'm a woman... but I do have my limits. I am also technologically challenged and married to a technology guru. Why not let him do it?) Don't get me wrong, I have women friends who are firefighters and cops and in the Military. I don't think we are the "weaker" sex at all. But if you want to carry something heavy be my guest!

  4. Jumping a car is sooo simple, I can't imagine a modern woman not knowing this simple task. It's like, women want to pick and choose what liberation is, yet can't jump their own car? I'm confused.

  5. I run into an awful lot of women who don't care much for the idea of "liberation". Most (but not all) are of my mother's generation. I have always been very independent and never wanted to feel like I couldn't take care of myself.

    I don't get it either.

  6. Hmm. I'm with Marilyn, too. Not because I don't think I can do it. Not because I think a man is naturally endowed with these gifts. Because I'm a lazy ass. Plain and simple!

  7. If the help offered is coming from a beautiful young thing with rippled abs and a smile that shines like justice, then I'd probably be all over that (literally and figuratively). But we both know it's more like to be the later middle-aged toothless wonder who thinks he's allergic to bathwater. Then you'll never get rid of him because he thinks you NEED him!. *shudder* No thank you!